3/4/2011:
Hello there, all you CHIKARA-niacs, (I'll assume that's what you refer to yourselves as; it's a
portmanteau of the word "maniacs" and "CHIKARA,") it's your new Director of Fun here, Wink Vavasseur!
With all my duties here as the DoF, I've certainly got my hands full. I've quickly found the
downside to my great "let the wrestlers vote amongst themselves for a clear-cut championship"
experiment: receiving and tabulating voting ballots from a bunch of wrestlers. I'm feeling a bit like
Katherine Harris over here, if you know what I mean. Thankfully, I don't have to deal with any hanging
chads, am I right? This guy knows what I'm talking about! But seriously, folks, imagine my surprise upon
opening the first couple of ballots and finding the atrocious handwriting and spelling of some of these people.
I mean, c'mon, what the heck is an "Amasis"?? That's not even a word!
Another thing I've discovered with these ballots is a real lack of trustworthiness. Now, so far,
everyone has abided by the rule that "a wrestler cannot vote for him or herself," I've witnessed a
few backroom agreements, some "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" deals. Now, that's perfectly
legal, but I'll let you fans in on a little secret: I see the results and not everyone is holding up
their end of the handshake-sealed bargains. There's a phrase right on the tip of my tongue… ah, right,
that's it… "Is there no honor among thieves?" It seems apropos in this situation, methinks. So, just to make sure
everything is handled properly, I am going to personally poll every fulltime member of the roster before King of
Trios 2011 so I can be sure of what's what.
I like to think that, in my role as the Director of Fun, as well as on executive boards of other thriving
companies, not a lot of things slip past me. I like to think of myself as "on the pulse" of what's happening
on my watch, finely attuned to the goings-on of CHIKARA. So, I was surprised to find out recently in Easton
(birthplace of famed boxer Larry Holmes) that there has apparently been a long-running feud in our fine
wrestling family between Eddie Kingston and Claudio Castagnoli. I'm sure many of you are equally as surprised
by this as I am, and I apologize for having broken the news to you like this. It's not practical for me to call
each of you individually.
Using my authority as the DoF,
I've decided that this feud will be settled with a match on March 13th, in Brooklyn, NY (birthplace of lots of
other famed boxers, probably.)
Frankly, I'm still a bit astonished that this feud even existed. I mean, this is something I feel I would
have noticed, right? If any of you fans want to go buy some CHIKARA DVD's, write down moments when this
feud developed, and then report back to me, you can email me at [email protected].
I read every email!*
WV
P.S. I'm not crazy about the "CHIKARA-niacs" portmanteau. If you guys can think of
something smooshing together "CHIKARA" with some word that signifies a group of people
focused together with one common goal, go ahead and email it in. Remember, I read every email!*
*My assistant reads every email.
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