1

Image: https://content.spiceworksstatic.com/service.community/p/post_images/0000172945/573df354/attached_image/spicerex.png
In this series , we take questions that may be difficult for you to bring up in public and ask the Spiceworks Community on your behalf to give you the anonymity you want to find the answers you need.

Interested? Send an email to news@spiceworks.com and ask us anything!

Dear SpiceRex,

I will admit, in the past I read the posts and looked at the discussions about this topic and had always retained a level of aloofness because I thought “Surely I am beyond this.” 10+ years in the industry, respected by coworkers, there’s no reason to believe I’m an impostor, right?

Not only did I fall into the trap, I was pushed in. To be fair, I never saw it coming.

I hesitate to just start throwing terms around, so people need to be sure they talk to a dedicated professional about this kind of thing, but I was gaslit by the very people I was supposed to count on. The parallels are noteworthy.

My professionalism and my job ethic were whittled away by people with their own agenda. I walked out of a job in 2017 that was by all accounts my dream job. It was everything I wanted. My boss and I got along great. The CEO and I had a working relationship. There was no reason to believe I couldn’t do it. And yet I didn’t believe it, and I walked away.

I was unemployed after that for a little bit, and I landed in a decent place for a while, but I ended up walking off of that job as well. Then I found a new position but within a month, was let go because I couldn’t do my job. (This is infuriating because the job I have today would run circles around what that position was.) It was an abrupt confrontation with reality, showing me just how far I had fallen. I was already trying to wake up, but that punched the snooze button (and me in the gut).

I understand that impostor syndrome is about our jobs and doesn’t really apply to life like being gaslit can, but I think it’s important to talk about because so many people like me may be completely unaware of what is going on with them.

And that’s really scary. REALLY scary. And as people with generally high IQs, we think that we are beyond this kind of thing (I know I thought I was).

To question your motives, your ideals… you start losing friends because no one can figure out why your motives change, how your character adjusts to try and protect itself. You become defensive; everything is a competition because people are trying to take things away from you. Meanwhile you’re already losing everything you fought for. You help dig your own hole sometimes too.

I lost my new home. My wife. My family. Nearly lost the car. I moved home, perpetuating the whole “dude living in his mom’s basement” thing, because you better believe my servers followed me. Every single debt accrued from being subjected to all of this has come back with a vengeance. I’m fighting to pay bills that I sometimes didn’t have any part in (oh marriage…).

I struggle daily. I wake up some mornings like recently when I saw the Imposter Syndrome post in my feed and I start crying because I know the fight, I know the struggle to climb back up and to be able to say “I know what I’m doing here!” and I had to learn first hand how to accept not only that life had changed, but that no one else has any authority over what I can do. Only I do. It’s a perfect little saying that is super hard to abide by sometimes. I got the supercharged upsized version of impostor syndrome provided care of no one other than my own extended family.

I have a position now where I am respected again, my coworkers like me, and my boss goes out of his way to help me. In the midst of a breakdown a few weeks ago, I thought I was going to lose my job. But they’ve taken me and helped hold me still while I built myself up again.

Love you SpiceRex (and co)

  • A Spiceworks fan
298 Spice ups
2

A lesson for us all. Thanks for sharing, and for the warning.

38 Spice ups
3

To whomever sent this over, you are not alone. I recently fell into something similar - broke my hand, going through a divorce, living at home, and the self doubt - professionally and personally. I am working towards building a stronger foundation, but remembering where I came from and who I am. Look towards the positives in life.

EDIT One thing that has helped is chatting with a therapist. I didn’t realize how many of my issues stemmed from things from a long time ago. Like, I have never been one to fall asleep right away. I am falling asleep within 10-15 minutes. I feel better. Spend the money and invest in your well being. That is worth way more than any lab setup. :slight_smile:

66 Spice ups
4

Wow, what a journey. Thanks for sharing, OP. It sounds like you are getting the support you need. I don’t think there was mention of visits to a mental health professional, so if that’s not happening I strongly encourage that. We are more than the sum of our career shortfalls and achievements.

34 Spice ups
5

I’ve been through this in a different way but the feelings are the same. Several days I sat outside with who I thought was the only friend I had left, Ike, my black lab. I kind of learned from him that there really are people who do still care, no matter what problems I was going through. Dogs truly are man’s best friend.

36 Spice ups
6

Sorry to hear about that. I hope things continue to get better for you.

8 Spice ups
7

Well said.

10 Spice ups
8

Hello, what a heart felt story. Probably because it seems so familiar. Just know my friend that you are not alone. Many of us have been through similar circumstances. Yet, we’re still here.

This too shall pass.

All the best to you

19 Spice ups
9

This is quite the story and thanks for sharing :).

Glad to hear your are in a job that is supporting you. Hope things continue to get better.

3 Spice ups
10

AKA when “fake it 'til you make it” goes wrong…

This is why I’ve always been opposed to that line of thinking. I’m all about aiming high, dressing for the job you want, taking on more responsibility, etc… but keep in mind, if you say you’re going to do something or have the ability to do so - you WILL be expected to do it.

Goals and aspirations are fantastic and should be fueling your career but make sure you’re also keeping expectations in check with the current reality of your capabilities.

40 Spice ups
11

Good to hear you back at it again.

But to all young people like me out there, if you have the option then stay with your parents. There is nothing wrong with it. You can still work so save up till you can get a place of your own.

That is why me and my wife are not rushing to make that big move even though we can pay the mortgage. Low wages is different factor but expensive rent won’t let you get that down payment(of course depends on city you live in).

So good luck to everyone out there.

11 Spice ups
12

I’m glad you found a new position where people respect you. Seeking mental health help really helps with impostor syndrome, should that feeling creep up again. One thing I was reminded of while talking to a MH pro was not everyone can do IT, so my IT skills are valuable. I can always make a computer feel better, but I can’t always make myself feel better, and that’s where therapists come in. Echoing freakoutadams, mental health is important to take care of. There’s no shame in visiting a therapist. You talk, they listen, and they help you develop better coping and de-stressing techniques. Financial burdens can be especially stressful; but at least with stable employment, time, and patience, you can overcome debt.

21 Spice ups
13

Interesting read. Didn’t realize this was a clinical concept. I’ll have more empathy after learning this is something folks struggle with to such a degree.

7 Spice ups
14

Sounds like you ended up in a good place, and maybe where you were meant to be.

The bad part is I can kinda’ see myself getting to that point. Things have changed where I am and I have begun casually looking around but I feel like where I am and what I do here hasn’t really prepared me to move on.

It’s reassuring, and a little disturbing, that this seems to be a common thread in IT. There seems to be a lot of posts around this recently and it’s made me re-evaluate how much I really know and how far I can go.

Thanks for sharing.

9 Spice ups
15

Nobody knows what they’re doing, OP.

Enjoy the ride!

45 Spice ups
16

The truly hard part is the balance. If you work at a job where you know how to do everything you’ll often become bored. If you work at a job where you don’t know everything you’ll be challenged with what you are unable to do.

9 Spice ups
17

this is why i am trying to not get married…when it goes wrong i will be here too.

6 Spice ups
18

Isn’t that the opposite of this, though? OP was never “faking it,” they really had the skills, but other people in their life convinced them that this wasn’t the case.

26 Spice ups
19

I’ve fought with this a lot in my life. I’ve been in IT over 10 years now and I still deal with it.

What I found that really has triggered it is that I never finished my college degree. When I was getting a job, I was sure I’d never get a job like what I have now without a degree, (Thanks Dad for that particular belief,) and so when I finally did get a job offer to do some real IT work, even just as a desktop tech, I felt completely like I had somehow gotten chosen by mistake.

Fortunately for me, when I am in a situation like that, it tends to light a fire under my butt and force me to work harder than my peers to prove that I belong. In the long run it ends up being a good thing in my case. I managed to achieve a good bit of income mobility and new skills just through that motivation.

I’m in a situation like this again where I feel a little out of my element/in over my head, and it’s re-igniting that motivation engine for me. I’ve been working on finishing my CCNA for a while now, and this will be the catalyst that gets me over that hump and into an actual specialization instead of the traditional T1/T2 support type role.

Just gotta get into the mindset that when you feel like an imposter, or like you don’t belong, or are in over your head, that it’s an opportunity to grow your skillset, be it the soft skills like your customer service or communication ability, or the actual functional ones like your networking, security, or system administration skills/knowledge.

In the immortal words of Dory from Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming.”

Good luck!

35 Spice ups
20

Thank you so much for posting this. As someone who struggles with anxiety daily(my entire life) I never even knew imposter syndrome existed until I read this. It’s a battle every single day. Keep fighting and don’t give up.

You are not alone in your struggles but you definitely sound like you are back on track! I’m currently working towards my goals and where I want to be in life. It hasn’t been easy and i’m still struggling with it all the time. While it’s taken others around me a much shorter time frame to accomplish their goals and move ahead in life, it’s taking me much longer. But I’m not going to stop pushing forward ever.

Good luck.

17 Spice ups