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To do this you will need the following:

Papers. Lots and lots of papers

A telephone

A big desk calendar

Step 1: Understand that computer games aren’t work-related

It’s that slow time of year at ABC Company, and you don’t want to be caught playing computer games like Dynomite® or the highly-addictive Sudoku. So what now? You know at any moment your boss can check in with you. Here is a tip: keep Microsoft Outlook® open. I mean, what is more productive than checking in on that highly regarded communication tool?

Step 2: Shuffle Papers

Keep a pile of papers at your desk. Any kind of papers will do: old papers, new papers, red papers, blue papers. Even blank papers will do. Sorry, this would have interrupted the Dr. Suess-like rhyme. But seriously, if you have nothing to do and your boss walks by to say hello, you shuffle the papers like it is interrupting your busy day. If you let out a sigh of frustration as they pass you, then you have just completed one of the greatest non-productive moves.

Step 3: Cell Phones and Desk Phones

Put your work number on speed dial in your cell phone. Keep your cell phone in your lap and, with the push of a button, call yourself. Say, “Geez, I’d love to talk right now, boss, but I have this call I need to take.” Important: you need to have a good opening line. Example: “Hi, you’ve reached (insert name here) at (insert department name here). Oh, Sally, hi, how are you? Did you receive that proposal I sent you?..” Proposal is an excellent loaded word that will keep your boss happy. To propose something means that the company has new possibilities on the corporate horizon and you are going to ride that wave all the way to it. Remember to give your boss some gesture to say, ‘I’d love to talk right now, but as you can see, I am getting things done.’

Step 4: Make stuff up

You can make anything up, and as long as you look productive, do it. Pretend to clean your desk, or take out client folders and put them right back. You can do this for about an eight- hour shift and everyone will see you as a tidy go-getter. Another example of this is to mark stuff on that big desk calendar that the company gave you. You can mark anniversaries, vacation time or just doodle little faces.

55 Spice ups
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If they can’t see your monitor, you can post on SW all day and chalk it up to documentation.

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Better yet, keep a list of all your SW posts, and label it “Documentation”. That way it IS documentation!

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I have dual monitors and people can see them when they walk by my office. My solution? I use my body to block one of the monitors and use the windows key+left and +right to position SW and Google Chrome simultaneously on it, and I just leave Outlook and Python on the one you can see.

It makes it look like I’m working on emails and scripting.

5

You should add:

  1. Furiously click around the screen when someone important walks by. A lot of clicks = a lot of work being done.
  2. Rename the ebook you are reading to something professional, educational, and extremely boring sounding. Having the title changed from ‘Hot Summer Romance of Love’ to ‘Managing a Windows Server 2003 Enviroment blah blah blah’ lets you read your preferred material, while at a quick glance looking productive to others.
6

Does it still work to leave a jacket on the back of your chair and then go down the pub? Hope so - I haven’t tried that one in ages:)

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I have three pc’s on my desk around my monitor…They are only shells but it is great for building walls. I always have paper on my desk and sticky notes every where. When people walk past I just pick up one of the notes and cross it out and throw it in the bin…

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This was pretty good. Remember the George rule from Seinfeld: if you look annoyed, you look busy.

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^ +1

10

I have been doing this all wrong…Thanks for the info! Ha-ha

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I bring pc board blanks from home and etch them at work. Or, repair and / or tear apart old ones. “Salvaging parts we may need.”

12

LOL EPIC!

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Trust me the Outlook one works well, xD

And ALSO ALLWAYS put you monitor on MAX resolution,and keep text small. Keeping a quick glance at your desk to look like loads of things productive…like SW !!

Also, a nice big open source code looks good too in NotePad++.

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Open a web page, view the source, copy and paste it into a text editor… pretend to be scrutinising it :wink:

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I use Firebug for all my “look-busy-but-really-web-browsing” needs :stuck_out_tongue:
And SW is “research” :stuck_out_tongue:

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Wow, I have no papers at my desk.
Guess it’s time to get some

17

For a second, I thought that this was a style manual for our company swag. Still awesome, though!

18

magnificent post i love it

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If you must have a browser open, browse without images and use a user style where all text is black-on-white Courier New (or white-on-black if you’re a systems admin).

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"Open a web page, view the source, copy and paste it into a text editor… pretend to be scrutinising it :wink:
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Bobster2UK"

I lol’ed at this so much. Totally did that yesterday.