1

But I don’t have time to listen to you. I didn’t solicit your phone call, and I don’t have time or patience for your evasive, data mining questions about my environments. If a simple “no thank you” would get you off the phone I’d use that.

I KNOW you can save me lots of money. I KNOW you have the best product around. But this is simply the telemarketer equivalent of holding a sign on the side of the road. Actually I’d prefer the sign, then I could CHOOSE to talk to you when I need what you have.

But for now and the foreseeable future, you’re getting the click the second I hear your voice.

43 Spice ups
2

Got to love when they want to ask 20 questions about your environment. Why in the world would I tell some cold calling yahoo anything about our environment? They do not seem to get it. They might as well ask me my mothers maiden name and my social security number.

18 Spice ups
3

I had a cold caller a few weeks ago whom wouldn’t take no for an answer, they were pushing hard for me to view their product in a webinar and when I started ignoring their calls they’d try my colleagues putting pressure on me to take the transfer.

Fair enough you’re going to waste my time I’ll waste yours… yeah I can totally do the webinar on XYZ date (but I’m on holiday and won’t answer muahahahahahahahahaha)

3 Spice ups
4

Can’t spice this up enough!

1 Spice up
5

We had a cold caller who would call 2 to 3 times a week for my boss, who would ignore the call. So what did the guy? Well he started calling the rest of our team, one at a time asking if my boss was in. This went on for like 3 weeks, till i finally asked him where he was calling from. His reply? “Form New Jersey” no shit dumbass, I can see that from the caller ID number. I was then very blunt with the guy and told him to stop calling us since we were obviously not interested in his product or what he had to say.

You’d think that would have stopped him. Nope, he just stopped calling my extension. But he did give up after another 2 weeks of being ignored.

My question though, is after harassing us for the better part of a month did the guy really think he’d make a sale with us? That we’d all be like “Wow Mr Telemartking idiot, your product is SOOOO great that we’re just going to forget that you have wasted a large amount of our time and spend thousands and thousands of dollars with you!”

3 Spice ups
6

I had a telemarketer call my personal cell a few weeks ago. When I answered, he gave me his name and the company he was calling about, then he asked how I was doing. I responded by saying, “I’ll be doing really great as soon as I hang up on you.” I then hung up without giving him a chance to respond.

1 Spice up
7

My favorite one is when they say “So your not interested in saving LOTS of money?!”. Click

1 Spice up
8

Wrote this up a couple years ago…

1 Spice up
9

I’m going to start calling telemarketers and offering my services to them.

5 Spice ups
10

@big-green-man

1 Spice up
11

I really need to get around to watching that show.

12

I worked out a deal with my receptionists. They have a good handle on who knows me and who is a cold caller. People they know call all the time get transferred to me. People who are obviously cold calling end up in my voice mail.

1 Spice up
13

Oh this was brilliant! Well said.

14

If you cold call my cell phone, I will ignore it, if you leave me a voicemail, I will listen to it. Then delete it, and then block your number.

I really like the people that cold call me and the number shows up local. I let them do their spill and then hang up and then block the number.

15

I’ll put up with a cold caller twice. After that, if you manage to get ahold of anyone in the company and bother them, I’ll verbally destroy your universe in a fashion that requires a private conference room as to avoid HR complaints.

1 Spice up
16

This made my ever-loving day! From the thread mentioned above:

Hi jonahzona,

My name is Cold Caller Hero and I just came across your post to Cold Callers on Spiceworks. I absolutely understand your frustration with us (don’t worry, there’s plenty of self-loathing going on my end too, so you’re not alone). In that spirit, I would like to extend an olive branch by making a quick introduction to my company as per your instructions. Here goes nothing…

The obligatory solution description, as short as possible: I work for Login People. We make multi-factor authentication solutions. Our solution is called Digital DNA. It’s kind of what it sounds like…we make a secure “Digital DNA signature” for your own existing devices, so that your login credentials are reinforced by a 3rd factor: the recognition of your devices (btw, no weak $%!# like MAC/IP address is used for the signature). The value to you: no tokens to manage. Or one-time passwords to enter. Or certificates. Or cookies. Sentence fragments…see what I did there?

In response to item 1: Nah, I don’t particularly care about the data security of all those Small Town…um, seriously, no mascot? Ok not a problem. Point is, sure I’d like to sell you security, but who knows if I’ll even be around when that big $200 commission check comes through anyhow?

Item 2: I like to think of myself as an optimist. The glass isn’t 99.99453% empty; it’s .00547% full.

Item 3: I don’t really like, well, other people. So I often hang up before my prospects can even answer. You have a 0% chance of me calling you!

And the real kicker: on this very special occasion, I’ll reveal how I got your contact information and direct you to where you can find it (presumably to shut the door on future cold callers). Damn you ZoomInfo: http://subscriber.zoominfo.com/zoominfo/#!search/profile/person?personId=2101071694&targetid=pro… .

Now for the desperate plea: Will you please go through a webex demo with me? The insidious nature of my intentions aside, 2-factor authentication without any tokens or one-time passwords is actually very cool. And I promise not to ask for the SA password to your SQL server. What do you say? Got 20 minutes to spare in the next 2-3 weeks?

Best regards,

Cold Caller Hero

1 Spice up
17

The annoying ones are those who don’t know when to give up. I’ve told you I’m not buying anything and I don’t need what you’re selling. If anything, the longer you make me talk to you when I don’t want to the more likely I’m going to associate your product with a bad experience.

18

Unless it’s a supplier our receptionists tell them they need to email our it suppliers email address that goes nowhere but into the black hole :slight_smile:

19

Our front desk sends all calls through, but most of the cold calls show as “Private” on caller ID, so they just get ignored. They never seem to leave voicemail…odd.

1 Spice up
20

My favorites of late are the ones where they pretend as if they know you and are continuing an established conversation.

Particularly of note are the ones hawking Stock Market services. I have never bought a stock in my life. Yet they consistently refer to our previous conversation or email. ha ha

Depending upon my mood and duties at the moment I’ll either string these guys along talking on points regarding the current economic situation which makes such investing a ludicrous proposal in my opinion, until their ears bleed, or, I’ll hang up on them.