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Hi Spice guys, I made a new account to protect my work account that we use spiceworks on, I am having issues with my boss I am unsure how to deal with and would like some solid advice. I have been into computers my entire life, I am 43. My boss began his first IT job…the year I was BORN. I kid you not, he is 68 and still teching it. He will retire at 70 he says.

He tells tales of his past jobs, sometimes repeats, and everytime we have an issue…there is an hour long story about what he did when he worked at so and so that involves technologies no longer in use. I am trapped. I am a polite southern girl who has issues getting away from old people to begin with. So I let him go on and on, even though I tap my toes in frustration he cannot see. I want to work, not listen to story time.

At the same time…I’m new to this type of role, so I learn things too sometimes when he talks at length. So I don’t always want him to stop.

And I have found, he is having memory issues. I tell him things that he confuses, then I get blamed or made to feel bad he didnt remember correctly. Like one time, we lost power over the weekend but it only affect x servers. He went to work and maintenance saying it was all servers. He had not physically came in that weekend, I did as I live 4 miles from work, him 45 miles.

Then today, and this gets me…He sends me article about WPA2 KRACK. I read it, ask if we asked if our brand had a patch, he hadnt yet, but will. Ok, all good. Then we talk. I mentioned logging into one of our units (3 really) and using default credentials to get in. Major security 101 BAD IDEA. Apparently I said it with too much scorn because I wrongly assumed I was at fault for not checking the points more often, its to points he had taken down and reset in the plant. OMG Really?

So…he took it as me blaming him and felt like and a—. I felt it was my fault and was condescending on myself when I made the remark, which was taken by him as snide. Not the first thing like this…many others where he is pulling rank for things that is for him to decide not me, and I am not sure how to turn without asking him how to walk. (This after helping a user with a spreadsheet, maybe 2 hours of work for him to send snotty email to her manager about opening a ticket which neither of us thought to do, again my bad.)

How does anyone survive this?? I am nearly ready to walk out.

21 Spice ups
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PS I respect the heck out of this man. I do not want to offend him. He is an older version of me, but I could use advice on surviving it lol.

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At 43, about 50% of the people on here will look at you like you look at him. Bear that in mind. :slight_smile: It may help you cope.

8 Spice ups
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Welcome to the community then!! Unless you own your own business we got to deal with a lot of users, supervisors, managers, administrators and High level Staff that might be older than us. The fact you are 43 doesn’t change any view on this and that he is 68 might as well keep working. I see where you are coming from and to that end it is not always healthy that type of environment but you can learn a lot of their wisdom (take it with a grain of salt) in how they deal with stress and customer service. It will help you greatly.

The key in our jobs is to keep learning and applying it on what we do. Keep on working hard and don’t blame yourself too much, do what you must and keep your heads up.

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Firstly, everyone forgets things now and again. It may help if you make a written record of what you have been asked to do, then you can both refer to it. If you have a ticketing system you may be able to leverage that to keep the records. It will also provide a mechanism for reporting progress and completion, and keeping a record of changes to the requirement.

Secondly, if the stories are preventing you from getting your work done in a timely manner, you need to work out a strategy of interrupting the stories in a polite way. Perhaps suggesting that you could discuss the matter later, as you have a deadline to meet with , or see below.

Thirdly, if there are procedures about needing tickets for work, you need to follow them. this also ties into the first point above. The more you use the ticketing system, the more you will be aware of the need to create tickets.

On a Management course I went on, years ago, I was taught that there are three types of interaction.

Adult ↔ Adult

Adult ↔ Child (of which Parent ↔ Child is a special case)

Child ↔ Child

In a work environment you must strive to keep the interactions at the first. When things degenerate, you end up in the third, which is basically an argument. You seem to be frequently working at the second, where you are placing yourself as the child to his adult. He may be your boss, but as a person you are his equal. Remember that, and it will help you to be a bit more forceful when you need to be, and feel less guilt when things go wrong. It will be easy for him to subconsciously place you as the child, due to your age difference, but you must resist that, whilst still retaining your respect for him as your boss, and for the experience he has. Just being aware of the dynamic can sometimes help, as you can make the conscious decision not to drop into the child role. If you can achieve that, it may cut down on the stories, as he may be slipping into the Parent role. Taking a more active part in the discussion will help prevent that.

Also remember, that whilst many of his stories may involve outdated technology, the thought processes and strategies involved with fixing problems is often independent of the technology involved. This may help you if you ask the question “So how do we relate that to ” to get things back on track. It is also true that things go in circles. Today’s Cloud Services model is not a million miles from Client-server, and even older Mainframe - dumb terminal topologies.

Please don’t think I am blaming you for your issues, it is just that if you want things to change, it is you that is going to have to change them. I don’t think that suggesting a 68 year old who is two years from retiring changes the way they do things will work!

1 Spice up
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When i was young I was always in far to much of a hurry and never made the time to speak to the old people in my family.
now i’m a bit older and they are all dead, i bitterly regret not being a lot more understanding when i had the chance.

Old people rock…
Give them the time they deserve.

When ever I’m at a family gathering or holding one myself.
its the old people who get the attention.
a decent cup of tea is never too much trouble and a sensible chair is always to hand.

Be nice to the old boy and try to dance to his tune for a while.
it will do you the world of good.

2 Spice ups
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The position I am in was filled by a man in his 80’s he had been in some form of IT since high school and I am 36, I worked under him for 8 months until the position he wanted opened in the company and he left and I filled his old position. I had to endure hour long rants of old technology his time at IBM, his military experience I just sat and listened he looked at me as a grandson we had deadlines but I still gave him the opportunity to teach me about the days of old. I understand where you are coming from but in the end we made a perfect pair he kept the paperwork side of the job in order I kept the repair work in order I liked to leave the office and replace computers and parts he liked to sit in the office and do the paperwork. Maybe you can find a happy medium with him like I did, if I could find reasons to be out and about fixing things it gave me a break from war time stories. Or if nothing needed fixed I would get out and make my face seen and there was always an elbow grab that kept me busy for an hour or two.

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You might try this. It’s going to be hard, but every time I’ve done this, I get a positive result.

Take the blame. Even if it wasn’t your fault. Apologize and say you’ll never let whatever was wrong happen again.

He likely won’t know how to respond. He will likely forgive you and your working relationship will be stronger. Give it a try!

Proverbs 25:22

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Like others mentioned, for “memory issues” (yours or his) documenting is your friend. If you send an email, or the ticket system does, to let him know “server X” had an issue, and someone else says “Rack X” then he has your message to refer back to. May help, may not. But with a written account if it ever does come to to a “he-said, she-said” issue at least the notes are there, and you can say oh I thought I documented that… (and if needed pull up said document).

As for the stories… Well that is the way some folks are, so all you can do is look into “coping strategies”. Like others suggested a “can we discuss later” or a “can we talk as we fix X, you know Joe in accounting will be calling soon if we don’t get it fixed.” and so on.

Another option is to see about “widening your coverage window” also known as not working exactly the same hours. Ask him if it is a decent idea for one of you to start an hour later, that kind of idea. It won’t cut down on stories but might give you some time to work at tasks without ignoring him, and might make his day easier (though maybe it already is easier if he has you to carry the load). If he seems to be consider it, offer him the “premium” shift. (i.e. if he likes to start out slow, hint that he should start later. If he likes to try to leave early some days… )

Not sure if you have “slow times” and “busy times” but if you do see if you can get story “names” during the busy times, and prompt him to recite them in the slower ones. Then he knows you are interested in what he has to say but there may be a better time than right now to talk?

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I have done this before when I had half a dozen employees from different departments trying to assign blame for miscommunication when there was way too many cooks in the kitchen for an equipment move. I just found their bickering and email spam about blaming this or questioning why this wasn’t done to be annoying and fruitless

1 Spice up
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I always try to do this unless it was a vendor’s fault then I throw those guys under the bus. When I was sole IT I felt it was my duty to absorb the fault of issues and work hard to correct them. I never went as far as promising it would never happen again, but I always tried to find a solution and relayed to the user(s). Now, I’m part of a team of IT professionals and am lucky enough to manage a few really good ones, so anytime an issue comes up I’m the fall guy because my team has better things to worry about. Acknowledgement of fault is not failure, it’s taking ownership and there is a lot of value in that.

In the OP’s case, maybe look into dividing or defining the roles a bit. Certainly there will be tasks requiring you to work together, but some of the day to day can be divided up so that you’re not worried about stepping on toes and dropping the ball at the same time. When it comes to stories, I’m only 31 and have war stories of when things bad or times I overcame something that seemed crazy - I don’t always share them, but it’s nice to chat about it time to time. Make time for this when it’s more convenient for you. A simple, ’ I’d love to hear about that, but I’ve got a user waiting’ or ‘That sounds great, can we talk about it after I wrap this up?’

I know sometimes that doesn’t work or isn’t easy to do in the moment, but if you’re sincere and approach him about the stories later it will be fine. Also, with only a couple years left on the clock and you like the company - weather the situation because it would seem you’re next in line. Then you get to be the annoying veteran IT person .

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Your situation is making you feel miserable when all you want to do is help cure people’s daily frustrations.

Just don’t give up. Days won’t always be like the ones you are enduring right now.

Can relate as many others mentioned.

Practice smiling when the frustration comes over you. Hopefully the daily experiences vastly improve for you.

Just don’t completely roll over and get beat up.

And just maybe these things are happening to you because he’s intimidated by your mad skills!

One day at a time.

Wish you happier days ahead!