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This is half-rant, half-“how do you cope with funny hour changes” question for everyone…

On my weekends (I work graveyard, as some of you have discovered in the time I’ve been here in Spiceland) my wife prefers that I sleep at night with everyone, mostly because the few times when I started graveyard life, she yelled at me for waking her up. She isn’t very fun when woken up…

So here’s my lovely schedule (typical week):

Go to work Saturday night, just before midnight (aka Sunday, 0000 hours).

Work until 0800, stay up until approximately 1430 hours, sleep until 2230 hours.

Monday morning, 0000 to 0800, then take my daughter to preschool.

Around 1500 or so, I have yet to get to bed because now I have to wait for my wife to take my daughter to dance practice, then I’m lucky if she is home by 1700 so I can sleep…

Wake at 2230, regardless of how much sleep I was allowed, work 0000 to 0800…

Tuesday after work, my week finally normalizes and I sleep at 1430 to 2230 on Tuesday, Wednesday, but then Thursday, after work, I am lucky if I’m authorized a nap before 2300 hours…

Friday, after waking up (following a 24-hour day…), I stay up until 2200 or so, at least as long as I can humanly manage…

Saturday begins my second 24-hour day, as I’m expected to stay up until I go to work Sunday morning… And of course Sunday after work, my 24-hour day looks more like 30 hours…

Am I the only human, besides active duty soldiers, that lives this crazy? I’m 34 years old and can’t handle the constant forced sleep deprivation that I used to have no problem with…

27 Spice ups
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Sounds to me like it’s not your work schedule that’s a problem, it’s the lack of support from the wife that’s causing issues. I see at least 3 negative remarks about her in your half-rant. The work schedule is very consistent - midnight - 0800.

11 Spice ups
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Hate to say, your wife is not realistic. There are a variety of health issues that can come from working Graveyard, while also trying to lead a “Normal” life. The problem here seems to be the lack of support from your spouse. I feel I can say that because I lived on the other side of that, my wife, a nurse, worked graveyard. It was not easy on her, or me. I would adjust my schedule just as much as she adjusted hers, so that we could have a happy medium, and a some what “Normal”, (at least for us), life. I am sure it was not normal by any other standards than our own!
We had 3 kids in the mix, 7, 5, and 1 at the time, we did this until the youngest was in High School.
Ask your wife to keep your schedule for a week, she will understand, I hate to say, she sounds a bit selfish.
Any how, just my opinion, it really means nothing to your situation.

11 Spice ups
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I’m with these two. Your wife needs to be more understanding of your work/sleep conditions.

6 Spice ups
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So it’s not just me, I need to let her know that it’s ripping me apart trying to cope with this… I thought about it and I only get 6 sessions of sleep allotted to me, whereas she and everyone else in the world gets 7…

3 Spice ups
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Exactly this! A wife should be supportive, as a husband should be the same. It is up to you as a couple to figure out how to bring comfort to each others lives. She needs to be supporting you with this, and it clearly sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her about how this is stressing you out. Which is obviously not healthy for any party.

6 Spice ups
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You need the support from the family my friend. I worked that type of schedule in the Navy for 5 years. I even did a two weeks on days two weeks on nights 0600-1800 and 1800-0600 for a year with a newborn. It’s not easy for anyone, but you have to have the understanding and needed support from home to make it work. If both don’t give a little then it is going to cause problems, because if you’re anything like me, after so long of being sleep deprived, you start getting really short tempered and angry over little things.

5 Spice ups
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Having been in combat, mentally re-wired for battle, I already get short-tempered and angry over little crap… It has made it worse, and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. I’ll try talking with her again, but she always gives me the eyeroll then goes on about how the kids and dog keep her awake all night (though she is allotted typically a 9 to 10 hour chunk of possible sleep time… everynight…).

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If the graveyard shifts will continue, your wife needs to either a) be supportive or b) hit the road. No women are fun when you wake them up, but a wife should at least let you sleep when you have to and not complain because you are getting up to go work.

which do you need more, this job or your wife? something’s got to give.

2 Spice ups
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Out of curiosity, why aren’t you sleeping while your daughter is at school?

4 Spice ups
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Yeah once you hit 30 you cant do the whole go without sleep all the time (somehow my wife can still manage it…) if youre working graveyard its hard but you need to have a decent sleep schedule for yourself and that might mean not being asleep when your wife wants you to be. does she work? if not maybe she can change schedules with you?

bottom line you either need sleep which will tick off your wife apparently or you need to find a new job. You can cope with the schedule for a while but it will slowly mess you up, take it from someone who knows all well. when you start seeing things on the edge of your vision youll need to get some serious sleep or go to the docs.

1 Spice up
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why are you the one who has to give up sleep to take care of the family?

why doesn’t your wife do that instead?

does she make more money that you? if so, consider making her the bread-winner so you don’t have to deal with giving up your sleep.

as stated multiple times, the issue is unreal expectation from your wife. she takes to get what she wants, but is unwilling to give back. consider that.

good luck, i suggest you just get some sleep. it will be better for everyone.

1 Spice up
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I have respect for you. Personally, the “Happy Wife, Happy Life” cliche only goes so far for me. I’ll sacrifice for my spouse when needed but I expect her to do the same when I need it. That’s how a partnership works. I worked a similar schedule for a few years. It was just understood that the wife and I were going to have different sleep schedules. We had enough respect for each other that we tried not to wake the other up and were reasonably accommodating for each other. She would keep the kid occupied and fairly quiet while I was sleeping and I’d try to not wake them when getting up and ready for work.

I still sacrificed some sleep because I wanted to a part of their day to day lives but I still got the sleep I needed. All I can really say is that you have a tough work schedule and with a tough home life, something is going to give sooner or later. Since you are posting this, I would venture to say that it’s getting to that point. Y’all are going to have to talk and work and work something out.

2 Spice ups
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My wife sees this as “her” break, and relies on me to watch our son while she does whatever…All-- she does work, but she earns approximately $600 a month, at most, cleaning 2 condos that are privately owned (occasionally she has me do them…) maybe 1 to 2 times a week. During the summer it was a bit more frequent, but usually someone would stay 1 to 2 nights, then nobody would check in for nearly a week… These she has been known to knock out within 2 to 3 hours (depending on how meticulous she feels like being).
I’m the main source of income, though it doesn’t feel like I get paid enough for what I do sometimes… I watched a buddy of mine move from here to the hospital in a nearby town, effectively trading $14/hour for $20/hour or so. Needless to say, the hospital is looking good right now, but I need more certifications I think, I need to make myself more competitive somehow.

1 Spice up
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It’s been starting to feel like my career is more important, but I’m caught between feeling like I need to stay, thinking things will get better, and feeling like I just need to get the hell out so I can reclaim my sanity…

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WOW, She sleeps all night, you take your daughter to Day Care, and this is HER down time?
She works, but sometimes has you fill in? 2-3 hours a day, 1-2 times a week? SHE needs downtime?
Man, she needs to mature, quickly.

5 Spice ups
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Like I said before, I respect what you are doing. You’re sacrificing and doing what it takes to keep your home happy and taken care of. I’ve gotta say though, I’m trying not to be judgmental here because I only know the details you’ve given. I read this a few times. Did you say that your wife works maybe 1 or 2 times a week? That’s not a job. That’s more of a part time hobby that occasionally pays a little side money.

2 Spice ups
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How many kids you have? Two? How old?

You should not be expected to just not sleep even one day per week.

I’m not going to try and give any advice… everything that runs through my head just vilifies your wife. I don’t want to do that. She sounds selfish.

One thing though… why would you need to fill in for ‘her’ job?

1 Spice up
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Mortenya: our son, Lief, is 2, daughter, Lesley, is 4. She gets “tired” from “not sleeping” and various other excuses not to clean over there… On occasion, if I’m feeling up to it, I’ll agree to clean for her, but only if bribed with beer anymore… I used to do it all the time, for nothing, but it was because she was pregnant with Lief, then it was because she was recovering from her C-Section, but that ran out 1.5 years ago, so now I tell her I’m too exhausted, unless offered beer… The only time it’s worth it, is when I can have one or two bottles of some Elysian Dragonstooth Stout, or some of my own homebrew, and erase the day from my mind… But now it’s getting to the point where my sleep schedule is so out of whack, sometimes I have to sleep when I’m screwy feeling (and not tired) and sipping one or two beers is the remedy to sleep through the kids jumping and screaming all over…

On a side note: is it weird that I want to build a micro brewery and be an IT professional?

4 Spice ups
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My EX-wife was like this, made her do my schedule for one week… she stopped her forced sleep schedule crap, course then there is the prefix to wife now so… I may not be the best for relationship advice.

1 Spice up